


The Light in Our Bedroom

by nevereverever



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: A Good Gay Time, Anxiety, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Healthy Relationships, Ice Skating, M/M, Panic Attacks, Soup, Surprises, True Love, Valentine's Day, healthy coping methods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 06:47:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9709025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevereverever/pseuds/nevereverever
Summary: The only thing that Yuuri hated, truly hated, about St. Petersburg was that the morning sunlight that fell through the curtains of their bedroom was a dusty gray. He hates, more than anything, waking up to a terrible day by that terrible light. He and Viktor find their way through it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friendos! This took me a while to write, but I hope you enjoy it! A second chapter is forthcoming, but will take a while :)

The only thing that Yuuri hated, truly hated, about St. Petersburg was that the morning sunlight that fell through the curtains of their bedroom was a dusty gray, hitting the ground unceremoniously in the early hours of every day. In Hasetsu, the light of dawn would tumble through his window in golden beams, dappling the cold wooden floor with a rich warmth. Yuuri wished, every morning, that just one day, the sun would rise as beautifully as it did at home.

After long days and rough sleeps, nights of falling into position after position trying to find a spot that didn't press on his sore legs and bruised sides, he was so tired. After squirming for hours in Viktor's arms, when he finally settled it would only feel like a minute before the angry sunlight pulled him from bed. The light taunted him out of his blankets to illuminate the blues and purples and greens of his skin in a new day.

One such night, after a hard day of training and failing jumps and tripping when he forgot that, no Yuuri, the ground is not an ice rink, Yuuri refused to let the cold gray Russian light tear him from his fiancées warm embrace. Yuuri sat for what felt like hours breathing in the smells of their apartment, of Viktor, and watching the light puddle on the floor.

He was well aware that if he didn't wake his fiancée soon, they would be late for practice.  
But he refused to push himself from the soft tangled bedsheets and the warm tangled arms that were shielding him from everything he didn't want to face. The morning sun taunted him with its brightness when he didn't feel bright at all.

He didn't want to go to the rink of people he barely knew and talk to them in a language he could barely speak. He didn't want to flub that freaking quad lutz, single loop, triple toe combination again. He didn't want to feel like he was being watched and he didn't want people to look at his and Viktor's interlocked fingers and pull their children away.

Okay, maybe it wasn't just the light that he didn't want to face that morning.

Only when Viktor began to stir, well after they should have been off to practice, did Yuuri begrudgingly face his worries about the day. His breathing stumbled through what should have been practiced even rhythms. His lungs picked up pace when he realized that not getting them out of bed had hurt not only his own chances, but Viktor’s. Yuuri slammed his eyes back shut in an attempt to shut out the world. His clothes and gym bag, their flat, that godforsaken sunlight. It left him with only the feeling of Viktor’s arms and his own thoughts to occupy him.

His quick uneven breaths had become erratic, and his thoughts slipped into well worn repetitions of degradation just like tears slipped down his cheeks. He wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t worth it if he couldn’t even face the sunlight goddamn it. Perhaps that one was newer. Yuuri curled tighter into himself, unconsciously pulling away from Viktor because he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t worth Viktor’s attention.

Viktor. Viktor who had just barely woken up to find his hyperventilating fiancee crying in the soft morning sunlight. 

“Yuuri, love, take a deep breath, please.” Viktor said softly, trying hard to remember everything he had learned in previous attempts to help calm Yuuri down. Step One: get him to take at least one deep breath. Yuuri drew in a struggling breath and puffed it out with some difficulty. Step Two:..

“Can I hold you or is that going to be too much?” Ask to touch, don’t make him feel guilty if he can’t. Yuuri nodded quickly, like his wanted to get it over with, and scooched close enough to Viktor that his fiancee could pull him snugly against his chest. 

Step Three: “Breath with me, Yuuri.” Viktor took slow, deep breaths, keeping an even pace. He tried to imagine breathing to Yuri on Ice. The memory drifted to the surface as he remembered just how important Yuuri was to him, how much each of his breaths mattered.

“You’re okay, you are safe and you are mean the world to me. Whatever made you feel like this, I will break both its kneecaps. I will break my own kneecaps if it was me Yuuri. Do you hear me? I will take a bat to my own beautiful kneecaps.” Yuuri puffed out a quiet laugh into Viktor’s chest. They stayed like that for a while. Breathing softly in the quiet morning air.

“The light.” Yuuri murmured into the silence, “I can't today, I just can't do it.” Viktor rolled the sentence around in his mind like a stone, trying to find something that wasn't quite there. 

“Do I have to break the kneecaps of light? I will do it for you Yuuri, anything for you.” Viktor replied after a moment, only semi joking. Yuuri made no response, just settled a little deeper into Viktor's arms. It put both of them in a weird position, and neither of them were really comfortable, but they held on for each other's sake.

“I don't want to have to leave the bed today. I can't. I'm tired and I'm sore and I know those are both just things I should be used to being a professional athlete but I just can't do it today. I've worked myself to nothing and I can't and the rink and the light.” Yuuri broke back down from stuttered words and broken breath to sobs. Viktor shushed him quietly, brushing soft fingertips over Yuuri's hip and back. 

Yuuri should have calmed down. But something in him was still tight and angry, like something a had a hold of him and just kept squeezing him but he wouldn’t pop. The tears just kept flowing, he zoned in and out of awareness, only half realizing that his tears had soaked through Viktor’s shirt. The light had continued to stream into the room, and it felt like everything was saturated with the dull white light of late morning. 

Yuuri cried through all of his meager energy. He didn’t feel any better, he just physically didn’t have the ability to keep crying. His chest heaved and his heart fluttered uncomfortably fast. He hiccupped and whimpered and curled ever tighter into himself. He didn’t feel any better, like he sometimes did after a good cry. He felt awful and exhausted and sore and guilty. Viktor looked on with concern dripping from his features. Yuuri had panicked around him before but not like this, never like this. Viktor desperately wanted to wrap Yuuri up in his arms and fix it but he couldn’t. He knew it didn’t work like that, of course it didn’t work like that, but boy did he want it to. So instead, he just kept reassuring his fiancee, asking him, begging him to breathe in every language they spoke.

Yuuri’s whimpers and hiccups and breaths slowed after a while, just because he was tired and breathing easy was easier than hyperventilating. He just sort of, slowed. As he stopped panicking and came to what seemed closer to his senses, Yuuri was once again overwhelmed by exhaustion, and he fell back asleep, Viktor running soft fingertips up and down his back.

When Yuuri woke, the room was no longer filled with the light of morning, but the dim tones of sunset that he didn’t find nearly as repulsive. The second thing he noticed that he was alone in the bed, and that his chest was still full of tension and anger and fear. Finally, he noticed quiet sounds drifting through the doorway. Viktor humming the tune of Yuuri’s new Free Skate music. For the first time that day, he managed to heave himself out of bed, the cold hardwood floors pressing against his battered feet. He walked toward the sound and leaned against the doorway when he saw Viktor stirring a pot of something that smelled amazing. 

“Yuuri!” Viktor exclaimed, laying down his spoon and turning to meet his fiancee’s eyes, “I made rassolnik. It’s soup, basically. Russian soup.” Yuuri glanced up at the clock. 6:15. Viktor had made dinner.

“Thanks, but you shouldn’t have let me sleep that long.” Yuuri responded, taking tentative steps towards Viktor, almost as if he was worried his legs wouldn’t be able to support his weight.

“You seemed like you needed it.” Viktor responded, sounding halfway between his press ready confident self and completely broken. Yuuri glanced down at the floor, ashamed beyond belief at his breakdown. The tight angry feeling in his chest pushed tears to his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I guess it just all got to be too much. New rink, new people, new country, new language. I just couldn’t manage this morning. And yesterday being so god awful, something just broke. Is still broken I think…” Yuuri trailed off, gaze still cast down, tears dripping from his eyes to the floor.

“Yuuri, it’s fine. Just next time, maybe tell me before it gets here, yeah?” Viktor said, brushing a hand over Yuuri’s shoulder and resting it on the small of his back. “For now, soup and a movie? And we can jump back in tomorrow.” And for the first time that day, Yuuri smiled and nodded as he felt some of the angry, tight ball of feelings in his chest unwind. Because as much as there was that he couldn’t deal with in the world, he always had Viktor. He nodded again, and Viktor smiled this time. pulling Yuuri into a big hug. Yuuri laughed and wheezed a bit.

Slowly over the night, Yuuri felt himself breathe, smile, and let the anxiety within him dissipate. As his eyes slipped closed, he found that he wasn't dreading the light of tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the fluff

They woke before dawn the next morning. Technically, their training at the rink didn't start until 8:30, but both of them enjoyed a run before practice, so up before dawn it was some mornings. That morning it had the added benefit of Yuuri waking before the light settled to the floor of their bedroom. 

“Is it the 14th?” Yuuri asked softly into the dark quiet of their bedroom, his lips ghosting across Viktor’s chest.

“Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day moya lyubov.” Viktor mumbled into Yuuri’s hair. Viktor pressed a soft kiss to his lips, and Yuuri nodded, smiling. They were quiet, but they said everything.

Yuuri was breathing fairly hard, the cold Russian air pushing in and out of his lungs, by the time they arrived at the rink. He checked his schedule for that morning. He enjoyed the routine of it, checking the little foam board nestled in the back of the rink for instructions. That day it was warmup, workout, edgework and step sequence refining, and then a Short Program run through. Yuuri sighed a bit of relief. Not an enormous amount of jumping. Viktor’s schedule was half meetings that day, the other half was jump practice and training. 

Yuuri worked out some of his frustrations in the gym, squatting near his max weight for as long as his legs could take it. He knew if he pushed himself to his very limits, he would feel better, like he always did. Yuuri could feel every muscle burning as he finished up his weight training workout. He felt the solitude of working, just himself and the weights, as he squeezed the last bit of energy he had into his last few reps.

Legs like jelly, Yuuri ate a quick meal, and then tied on his skates, ready to let his heart out of the ice. First he skated figures for a while, trying to really sink himself into the feeling of skating. Of doing what he loved. For a while he chatted with Mila in half English half Russian, and that made him feel a little better too.

Viktor was still in meetings, but Yakov was at the barrier watching, so Yuuri launched himself into practice. He felt every edge of the blade, every twist of his calf, every flex of his thigh. He tried to become one with his movement, with his skates, with the ice. Time slipped easily through his fingers as he skated. It was almost like no time passed at all. Apart from Yakov yelling instructions and corrections at him, it was just his body and the ice.

His legs were on fire and he didn't care, not one bit. Because even though his music wasn't on, he could feel his body making the music without a speaker in sight. When the pain was finally too much and he couldn't take it, Yuuri skated to the barrier, put on his skate guards, and walked to take a seat on the bench when he physically ran into Viktor.

Viktor bristled, but softened when he realized who it was, “Yuuri, that was gorgeous. Not perfect, mind you, but beautiful. I guess a day of sleep really did you some good.” Viktor said, what sounded like the remnants of tears drifting through his voice. Yuuri smiled, genuine.

“You were watching?” Yuuri questioned, a smile sneaking onto his face as he actually sat on the bench because, god had he done a number on his quads today.

“Just for a bit, after I finished up my meetings. You looked so focused, it was entrancing.” Yuuri cocked his head to the side in confusion. He didn’t know that word in Russian. Viktor took the hint. “I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”

“You never can, you big sap.” Yuuri said, jokingly flippant as he massaged his legs in an attempt to soothe them before he had to practice his Short Program in full. Viktor laughed and pressed a kiss the the crown of Yuuri’s head. “What do you have left today?” Yuuri asked.

“Yakov wants me to do a little practice on my quad Lutz, but today was meant to be a light day. Tomorrow will be hell. Should take about an hour? Maybe. You?” Viktor responded. He rolled his shoulders and started stretching while he waited for a response from a fairly distracted Yuuri.

Yuuri hissed as he hit a particularly tense spot, a bruise maybe, but muscled through it, “I’ve got short program run throughs until you tell me I’m done.” Yuuri teased with a grin plastered firmly across his face. Viktor smiled too. Not the for the press Viktor, his Viktor. All toothy smiles and terrible Russian puns.

Viktor’s smile widened, “I forget I’m your coach sometimes. I’m not letting you get off easy," liar, Yuuri thought, "but I might let you out a bit early because I have something planned.” Viktor’s eyes took on a mischievous tint as Yakov yelled at them to stop slacking and get back to work. Viktor got back to practice as Yuuri carefully lowered himself into a split to stretch out before his run through.

The rest of practice ran well, Yuuri finally nailed the combination that had been getting him and one of the juniors nearly cried at Viktor’s quad lutz. By the time they got home though, the sun was beginning to set and Yuuri was exhausted. Never mind what Viktor’s mischievous plans were, all Yuuri wanted to do for Valentine’s Day was curl up into a ball and sleep.

They ate dinner together, nothing special because nothing special was really allowed by their strict Russian diet plans. But it was fine, and it was enough, and they were together, so neither of them could] really complain. By the end of dinner, however, the scheming little glint had returned to Viktor’s eye, and Yuuri couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay.” Viktor said as they finished up the dishes. Yuuri had been being pretty clingy, so it had taken them a while. “We are going skating!” Viktor’s face broke into a wide grin, eyes shining with pride.

“Umm… we did that all day? Why do it again? My legs are tired?” Yuuri half protested. His heart melted when he saw Viktor’s eyes shining back at him.

“There's a rink in town, it’s Valentine’s Day. It’ll be fun, indulge me.” Viktor said, jokingly pleading. Though he was trying to keep up a stony glare, Yuuri couldn’t do it and he fell in love all over again at this ridiculous man. This professional ice skater who wanted to go ice skating for fun. 

“Fine. As long as we can get cocoa and rent skates and pretend to not know what we’re doing.” Yuuri said, his words flowing out like a river with a broken dam. He smiled so hard his cheeks hurt and he was happy, he was so happy.

Viktor practically bounded out the door, pulling Yuuri behind him. All the unpleasantness of the previous night, their sore muscles and tired bodies, all of it was forgotten. They were together and they were happy. And they were going ice skating. Not for practice or for competitions or exhibitions. They were going ice skating to be together.

When they got to the rink, lit up by string lights that sparkled in the cold winter air, they rented skates and glided out onto the ice just like any other couple. There were loads of people there, everyone lost in their own romantic bubble. They both knew that there was risk that they would get beat up if caught holding hands, but they were too in love to care.

“These blades are awful!” Viktor whined as they skated laps around the rink, lost in the sea of people. He was right, they were dull and unpolished, but Yuuri just giggled and pushed a finger to his fiance’s lips.

“Shut up, you’ll blow our cover!” Yuuri responded, just as his dull bladed skate hit a rough patch in the ice. Not expecting it, Yuuri stumbled to get his balance back and came back up red faced and winded. Viktor laughed, giggled really, and Yuuri put on an exaggerated pout. “I guess it’s just karma. I finally nail that combination and I slip while skating laps.” Yuuri said, a smile accompanying the blush sitting high on his cheeks.

“Well, it was a good way to protect our cover.” Viktor smiled as they kept skating laps, fingers laced together, without a care in the world.

An announcement came over the PA system after a while of laughing and smiling and skating figures their legs had known since they were 6. “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, please step off the ice for a brief moment for a special performance.” At that, Yuuri looked up at Viktor, knowing something was afoot. Viktor’s eye has that mischievous glint in it again. People shuffled off the ice, but the couple hung back, for reasons that Yuuri didn’t really understand.

“You’ll know what to do once the music starts. Just don’t do anything dangerous.” Viktor whispered into his fiance’s ear before quickly darting off the ice, leaving Yuuri alone. Don’t do anything dangerous? Music?? But before Yuuri had time to process, a familiar few notes came over the speakers, and Viktor was right. He did know what to do.

Stammi Vicino. Stay Close to me. Yuuri let the music flow through him, through his bones and his chest, where the anxiety had been the previous night, now filled with nothing but love for the ridiculous dork he had decided to marry. His own figure skating idol, who had tricked him in the best way. His Viktor. He let the music carry him. In place of quads, Yuuri did doubles, being careful not to hurt himself.

He was vaguely aware of the crowd, but as soon as Viktor skated up to greet him, all he could feel was the touch of his one true love and all he could hear was the music. The music that meant so much to them. They skated together through the familiar turns and holds of Stammi Vicino. It was muscle memory and it was so much more. It was a program and it was so much more. They were skating and they were confessing their love to each other with each movement, each gaze.

They fell into their final position, panting slightly in the cold night air, and suddenly the crowd popped their little bubble, cheering loudly. They bowed and then skated off the ice and returned their skates. They talked to people for a while, but didn’t let go of each other until the other people were back on the ice and they saw an opportunity to leave.

“You are crazy.” Yuuri stated simply as he rested his head on Viktor’s shoulder while they walked. He couldn’t see Viktor’s face, but he could feel his fiance’s smile in his bones. “You surprise me every day. Every big romantic gesture. Making me soup for dinner after I have a day long panic attack. Letting me out of practice early. Everything you do is perfect.” Yuuri said with a smile on his lips and love in his voice.

Viktor stopped walking and turned to face him. Throwing caution to the wind, he drew Yuuri into a kiss, wrapped his arms around his fiancee and pulled him close. They stood like that for a while.

“I could tell you I love you enough to number the stars and it wouldn’t be enough.” Viktor said, his breath warm and soft on Yuuri’s neck. 

“Say it twice because all the stars are in your eyes.” Yuuri whispered. Viktor groaned, but pulled Yuuri into another kiss. 

“Cheesy.” Viktor teased when he pulled away.

“You rubbed off on me!”


End file.
